Ex Catholic

I was brought up in a traditional Catholic family. In the place where I grew up and still live, it is a large part of practicing Catholics. For over thirty years I was a believer, a practicing and devout Catholic. I deeply believed that one day my prayers would finally be heard and my life would be less painful. For many years I believed in a miracle that never came. My grandmother is an obsessive Catholic and faithful fan  of father Rydzyk. Although for many years I lived almost like a nun, my grandmother almost always criticized me and preached to me. I had the impression many times that only if  I would kneel on sharp spikes against the picture of a saint and scourge on bare skin to blood, only then she would be satisfied. I was never addicted to drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, I did not go to parties, I did not have a boyfriend, I never had sex, I never kissed, I never went on a date. I spent almost all the time at home with my family. I never had my own life, although I’m able to live alone. Because of the suffering that I was met with due to illness and from my family, I lost my faith in the Catholic church. I only go to church so that I do not have quarrels at home, I pretend that I am still a Catholic. I feel enormous sorrow towards the Catholic church, I feel cheated.




Jestem byłą katoliczką, do kościoła chodzę tylko po to, żeby nikt z rodziny nie nabrał żadnych podejrzeń. To co mi pokazała moja rodzina, jakim według nich człowiekiem jest katolik to zakrawa na pomstę do nieba. Jak można chodzić do kościoła, modlić się, korzystać z sakramentów, wracać do domu i tak traktować chorego, Bogu ducha winnego człowieka. Modli się pod figurą, a diabła ma za skórą. Przez nich straciłam wiarę, to jak mnie traktowali i jaki wzór i przykład mi dali sprawiło, że nie zamierzam być taka jak oni. Przez wiele lat byłam głęboko wierzącą, praktykującą katoliczką. Żyłam prawie jak zakonnica tyle, że bez habitu, nikt mi niczego nie może zarzucić. Nie chlałam, nie ćpałam, nie imprezowałam, nie szlajałam się nie wiadomo gdzie i z kim, nie zadawałam się z marginesem społecznym, nigdy nie byłam na randce, nigdy nie miałam chłopaka, nigdy nie uprawiałam seksu. Codziennie się modliłam, powtarzałam sobie, że nie znamy Bożych planów, że Bóg najbardziej doświadcza tych, których najbardziej kocha . Wieżyłam, że moje modlitwy zostaną wysłuchane i Bóg ześle mi cód- wyzdrowieję. Okazało się, że była to strata czasu. Od Kościoła Katolickiego nigdy nie otrzymałam żadnej pomocy, mówiono mi tylko, żebym wierzyła, ufała i się modliła, że jeżeli za życia będę cierpiała to po śmierci trafię do nieba. Nie będę praktykowała religi, która wpaja do głowy takie poglądy na temat traktowania chorego od urodzenia człowieka. Nie będę praktykowała religi, która wpaja: nietolerancję, pogardę i nienawiść do żydów, mniejszości seksualnych, ludzi o innym kolorze skóry, o innej narodowości, o innych poglądach niż white power i Polska dla polaków. Nie będę praktykowała religi która zabrania aborcji poważnie i nieuleczalnie chorego dziecka, zabrania antykoncepcji, zmusza kobietę by całe życie męczyła się z mężem który jej nie szanuje.  Nie będę praktykowała religi, której przedstawiciele wzbudzając zaufanie krzywdzą dzieci, a potem to ukrywają. Wierzę w Boga, ale nie takiego jakiego kreuje Kościół Katolicki, jestem chrześcijanką i wierzę w Boga pełnego miłosierdzia, który kocha wszytkich ludzi bez wyjątku i wybacza, a nie potępia : Kochaj bliżniego swego jak siebie samego, zło dobrem zwyciężaj, jeszcze dziś będziesz ze mną w raju, nie osądzaj abyś i ty nie był osądzany, celnicy i cudzołorznice wejdą przed wami do królestwa niebieskiego, ostatni będą pierwszymi, kto jest bez winy niech pierwszy rzuci kamieniem. Jak interpretujesz to co jest napisane w bibli ?

80 thoughts on “Ex Catholic”

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